When I came home after lunchtime was over, I just lied on my bed doing nothing for a while. It was as though all the energy had been sucked out of me. I felt an overwhelming sadness—and I have no idea why. I started thinking about how it’s only been 3 weeks that I’ve been here…April is ages away. I don’t know why I started feeling so homesick. Everyone here is very kind and my host family is so good to me. I guess it’s just different being around people who don’t REALLY know you—and I always have to think carefully before I speak because, unfortunately, I’m not fluent in French. It gets exhausting after a while.
Eventually I got up and headed downstairs to make myself some lunch. I figured that maybe my lack of energy had to do with being hungry. I had one of the veggie burgers on baguette with tomato—delicious. And an apple, which was excellent as well. I ate outside on the patio, in the sun, while reading Ramona Forever. That cheered me up a bit, but when I finished the book and returned to my room, loneliness descended. I ended up feeling so depressed that I decided to take a nap so I would stop thinking. That helped a bit—I slept for about 45 minutes, then hauled myself up at 4:30pm to go downstairs for tea. Instead, Catherine suggested we just have juice today, but we sat outside and talked as usual. She had a really hard day at work today, so she asked if we could have “comfort food” and a “comfort film” tonight. We planned to have pizza and watch the French movie, L’Arnacoeur (in English: Heartbreaker).
I moped around in my room for another hour or so before deciding to go for a run. That helped a lot. It was the perfect time of evening and the lighting was gorgeous. Dunja (the dog—I finally asked how her name is spelled! It’s pronounced “dune-yuh") came with me and we ran for 30 minutes all around the woods. She’s really a great dog to go running with! When we get to the woods, I take the leash off and she stays near me the whole time (occasionally stopping to sniff something, but she always comes hurrying back to me).
We had a delicious pizza dinner (with a salad of tomatoes and cucumbers) with lemon yogurt for dessert. The typical dessert in France is either yogurt (just the normal fruit kind) or fresh fruit. Sometimes we have something more sweet (once we had a popsicle, once we had a local kind of cake with ice cream, once we had cookies), but generally we don’t even eat dessert.
After dinner, Ralf, Catherine, and I watched Heartbreaker. I’m such a fan of that movie. It’s one of my very favorite French films of all time (I think I watched it five times last Spring…). After the film, Catherine explained to me the French name: Arnacoeur. It turns out that the word “arnaqueur” means “con artist”—and the word “coeur” means “heart.” So, since the main character in the film is a professional con artist who rescues women from bad relationships (without them knowing), they chose the name “arnacoeur”—which is pronounced exactly the same as the word for con artist!
As I head to bed, I am feeling better. Yes, there’s still that feeling of homesickness there, but it’s not as strong as it was most of the day. Hopefully tomorrow will be easier.
Hey, Natalie! Sounds like you hit a low spot. That happens with international living, and it's very normal, in my experience. When I was in Thailand at 16, I had waves of homesickness the whole year off and on, but it was MUCH WORSE the first month or two and subsides almost entirely during the second half (and letters took two weeks one way and I didn't call home once during the 12 months...Skype, of course, was unimagined). Hang in there, as it will get better. You definitely did the right things: forcing yourself to socialize and getting exercise. Good for you! Using the new language is exhausting, and being tired probably makes you feel even more homesick. Good call to take nappies. Remember, the time will come (too soon) when you're looking back on your early days in France, preparing to return home here, and the bitter-sweet feelings will be your companions at that point (excitement about heading home, and sadness about leaving). And once you're back home, you might look back on your time there as if it were all just a dream. So dig in and lap it up! Would be nice if you could connect with other young adults in the town. Are there any? Is there a local pub where your host parents might introduce you (no, I'm not suggesting to go pick up some greaser at a biker bar, but assuming pubs there might be more social places)? Weddings are great events to attend when you're overseas. Could you join some club? Ah, well, I'm rattling now. Hang in there, and know we're sending our love. --Gregg
ReplyDelete